Japanglish: Words Happiness Meaning Let's Sunshine!

bitch!
A handbag made for women!

Text: If all Politician rode motorcycles Then road wouldn't have potholes
For every keen motorcyvlist at last truty custom tailored bike header

Stand a chance Knock on doors
Decorious Speech and Appearance characterize true gentlemen
Neat and Tidy wear a respectable suit of clothes
I'm sure another opportunity will come.
Embrace an opportunity//Exploit an opportunity//Use an opportunity
Make use of the opportunity//Press home an advantage//take occasion
Sunday-go-to-meeting
Adjust oneself//Fix up//smarten up one's appearance//
spruce oneself up//spruce up//tidy oneself
In a no-nonsense manner//In a proper fashion//In the proper way //With neatness

I understand English is not the national, first or spoken language in many Asian countries so it makes sense that people would make mistakes when writing or speaking. That doesn't confuse me.
Also, many countries in Asia including Japan are fascinated with North American and European cultures and obsessed with dressing, eating and looking like these English cultures. So much so that not only do they buy foreign brands like Nike, Levis, GAP and Armani but they create brands in their own country and name them as if they were English brands. As you can see from the pictures above, sometimes the message gets a little misconstrued. Once again this doesn't confuse me. 
What really confuses me is that these companies that want to call their products English names or want to have English written on their products don't bother to get a fluent speaker to spell check or edit the text. So what you get is mixed up, misspelled, incoherent, cut and paste type text that baffles and misinterprets the original message. 
Which makes it not only meaningless but funny as hell! I hope these companies never change their methods. 
Check out the video below to seem some of the weirdest shops and the crazy stuff they sell!
Only in Japan...

Dirty Old Man: The Bar!

Happy Hour from 10am to 4am

It's Friday night. Work is done and you just want to lay back and relax with a nice cold beer with some friends. Of course it would be nice to have some pretty ladies to drink with to make the night more fun.
Well if that is your idea of a good time then this is not the place for you. The bar in this picture has a specific target market: Dirty Old Men! I like this sign for two reasons. One is obviously there is probably no other place in the world except Japan where this bar would exist and continue to exist.
Second, and most amazing is the directness of the message. This bar doesn't try to pretend it's something it's not. Everyone planning to come into this bar knows what to expect and what the clientele will be like.
Haven't you been walking through the clubbing district in your city and seen signs for bars like Fluid, Passion, Blue Twilight and Aphrodite and expected there to be groups of hot young girls intoxicated waiting to find a handsome man to take them home? Only to find that you get in there and there is two couples and groups of drunk, horny men hoping someone of the opposite persuasion will walk through the door.
Well at Dirty Old Man you will have zero expectations. In fact if there is a female in the joint it would almost be false advertising. And unlike other code words for bars made for dirty old men like The Firkin and the Owl or The Goose and the Ferret, this place gives people exactly what they asked for; a haven for old single men desperate for that scotch on the rocks and reason to exist.
Dirty Old Man is a revolution in the alcoholic establishment industry giving their target audience not only a chance to drink away their sorrows but to proudly be surrounded by similar like-minded individuals.
One day when I am a dirty old man, I hope I can find my Dirty Old Man bar to serve me!
Only in Japan...

The Polite Construction worker!

The Japanese have a reputation of being polite. This has been exaggerated and in all honesty it is not entirely true.  Yes, the language itself has been built with different levels of politeness and there is a hierarchy of standards required when speaking and communicating with people but Japanese are people too.  Some are more polite than others. Everyone can be rude, mean, pushy, aggressive or cruel.  No one can be polite all the time.  That being said, on the surface Japanese culture is very considerate and polite of others; especially in public.  So signs and posters will frequently have cute mascots or polite looking people apologizing for everything. 

This picture is of my friend Jason and I in Nagoya while walking around. Of course there are many construction sites with many signs warning of construction ahead and apologizing for any inconvenience. We just found this sign a little funny as the cartoon of the construction worker bowing amused us.