Japanglish: Words Happiness Meaning Let's Sunshine!

bitch!
A handbag made for women!

Text: If all Politician rode motorcycles Then road wouldn't have potholes
For every keen motorcyvlist at last truty custom tailored bike header

Stand a chance Knock on doors
Decorious Speech and Appearance characterize true gentlemen
Neat and Tidy wear a respectable suit of clothes
I'm sure another opportunity will come.
Embrace an opportunity//Exploit an opportunity//Use an opportunity
Make use of the opportunity//Press home an advantage//take occasion
Sunday-go-to-meeting
Adjust oneself//Fix up//smarten up one's appearance//
spruce oneself up//spruce up//tidy oneself
In a no-nonsense manner//In a proper fashion//In the proper way //With neatness

I understand English is not the national, first or spoken language in many Asian countries so it makes sense that people would make mistakes when writing or speaking. That doesn't confuse me.
Also, many countries in Asia including Japan are fascinated with North American and European cultures and obsessed with dressing, eating and looking like these English cultures. So much so that not only do they buy foreign brands like Nike, Levis, GAP and Armani but they create brands in their own country and name them as if they were English brands. As you can see from the pictures above, sometimes the message gets a little misconstrued. Once again this doesn't confuse me. 
What really confuses me is that these companies that want to call their products English names or want to have English written on their products don't bother to get a fluent speaker to spell check or edit the text. So what you get is mixed up, misspelled, incoherent, cut and paste type text that baffles and misinterprets the original message. 
Which makes it not only meaningless but funny as hell! I hope these companies never change their methods. 
Check out the video below to seem some of the weirdest shops and the crazy stuff they sell!
Only in Japan...

Human Vending Machines!!

Human tea leaves?

The world is in danger. We all know that everyone has to do their part in order to ensure the survival of the human race. Countries and companies are creating new and innovative ways to protect our environment and make business more Eco-friendly. That being said, Japan is no exception.  In fact, Japan has now gone one step above everyone else in terms of recycling. Japan has become the first place to recycle humans to create vending machines.
Just kidding...or am I?
The picture above is from a vending machine in Japan that claims "they utilized recycled tea leaves which are human and environmentally friendly".  I am a bit confused. So is this machine made from human remains or is it made from tea leaves that were consumed my humans who are now deceased and being used to build these machines? Either way it is a scary thought.
Of course this is probably just another Japanglish error where someone in the advertising department was too lazy to translate some text and used an online translator instead. But I'd like to think the former because that would be awesome.
Only in Japan...

A Head of the competition

Everyone knows that billboards work. They might be big, annoying and detract from the cityscape but no matter what is being sold you can't help but stare. Especially in Asia where neon lights and flashing beams threaten to give seizures the flashier the better. But this restaurant （i hope thats what is being advertised）is way ahead in shock value. As you can see in this normal street in Tokyo away from all the major populated intersections lies this giant head of a chef. Doesn't it just make you hungry? It could be worse I  guess. Maybe not.
Only in Japan ...

My new video idea...

I usually upload funny pictures on this blog and make fun of whacky things in Japan. And I also have a YouTube channel that does the same. You have probably already seen it but if not here is the link to my channel:
http://www.youtube.com/ozzy78


Well, of course I have many ideas in my head of what I want to talk about or show you the audience. But there are tons of other people around me who are not getting the attention they deserve. Honestly,  I think I am not getting the attention I deserve either but that's a whole other story.

So I created a new video called Head to Head. I take 3 videos from different users who all have less than 1000 views on their video. Then I ask the viewers to vote for the best. The winner then moves on to the next video to face 2 new challengers.

I think its a really good way for many people to see videos they might not usually see. And it gives exposure to all 3 video makers and myself.

Will it be successful? I don't know. Should I give up? I have given myself a test for about 3 or 4 episodes before I decide to scrap the idea.
Take a look and let me know if you have any suggestions.

Little Pricks! Want one?

Two pricks for the price of one!

Yes, the package is grammatically incorrect. It should be Little Pricks not Little Prick since there are two. But that is the least of their concern.

This is the line of small fluffy toys that are being sold across Japan in a craft shop. Mothers buy these little pricks for their kids. Then the kids take these little pricks to school to show off. The kid with the most little pricks in the class is then named Biggest Little Prick.

Only in Japan...

Shit Japanese people wear...

Color me purple!

I get that Japan is kinky. I get that sometimes they read Octopus tentacle porn and really like Cosplay but a bartender in a skin tight purple suit and a red strap on just doesn't seem reasonable to me.

If you watch Japanese TV than this would seem as normal as Oprah but when I want to go to a bar to relax and have a beer and this guy is serving me then I really gotta wonder.  But at least he was a nice guy. And I think he washed his hands before serving me. 

Poon's R' Us!

Must be this tall to ride!

Another example of bad English. However, this time it was grammatically correct (in texting slang) but maybe not quite appropriate.  So when you see this slightly racist statue of a little kid with an Afro (avec pick) in his hair wearing a t-shirt admitting his love for female genitalia you wonder what's beyond. 

Is it a strip club? Nope.  Is it an adult video store? Nope. Is it a sex shop with paddles, whips, dildo's and other paraphernalia? Wrong, wrong, wrong.  This statue is in Osu, a shopping arcade in Nagoya, and sits at the bottom of the steps to a store that sells...wait for it....children's toys. 

Stuffed animals, Lego, dolls, Naruto, Dragonballz, Hello Kitty all reside in this toy store along with a cute welcome figure of a boy on the search for some fem-crotch.  When there is a line, somehow Japan seems to not only cross, but leap over it. 

Only in Japan...

I've got one hand in my pocket and the other's...

If I rub it will a genie appear?

No, this is not in Vegas at the Annual Adult Industry convention. This is in Japan. This is part of the penis festival which takes place every year.  The Honen Matsuri takes place in Komaki city.  Tons of people of all ages and backgrounds gather to watch a giant wooden penis being carried.  Even the Shinto priests walking along have these hats that kind of remind me of a phallic symbol.  The festival has tons of food stands which all try to cater to the celebration of fertility.  Dipped chocolate bananas with marshmallow heads, phallus shaped candy, cookies, etc, etc.

There is also a festival dedicated to the women's southern region but I have not yet been to that one.  The festival which sounds odd is actually quite fun. It's not just a bunch of perverts getting drunk. In fact, the female to male ratio might be higher.  It is a good time where one can enjoy drinking, eating delicious food, meeting happy and friendly people alongside giant wooden male parts.  And women often rub the testicle region when trying to conceive.  Only in Japan...