More crazy English!





Wanna Latin mate?

Do you need to relieve it?

Once again on my travels across Japan I came across interesting products. The first is tea. I tried it and it tastes like any other tea found in Japan. But this one claims that it has Latin Biorhythm...whatever that means. It says "PLAY! EAT! DRINK!" How do you eat tea? Anyway, I thought maybe it contains guarana (sp?) the Brazilian drink known for high-energy boosts but it does not. So what does a tea brewed in Japan using Japanese ingredients have to do with being Latin? I guess the bright colors of the bottle! It's like Carnival in your mouth...without the STDs.

Speaking of STDs, the second product is a box of condoms. I found these babies at a 7-11 in Tokyo and the polka dots caught my attention. I thought it was a box of candy until I read the title. These condoms say "For sex, to which it can relieve it." I get the for sex part. You use them for sex. But what about the relieve part? What are these condoms relieving? Relieving the couple because they are protected from babies and disease? Not sure. Let me know if you have any idea.

If any of these companies someday do decide to use an actual English speaking human to help them translate into English, please contact me. I come cheap!

Only in Japan...

Japanglish: Words Happiness Meaning Let's Sunshine!

bitch!
A handbag made for women!

Text: If all Politician rode motorcycles Then road wouldn't have potholes
For every keen motorcyvlist at last truty custom tailored bike header

Stand a chance Knock on doors
Decorious Speech and Appearance characterize true gentlemen
Neat and Tidy wear a respectable suit of clothes
I'm sure another opportunity will come.
Embrace an opportunity//Exploit an opportunity//Use an opportunity
Make use of the opportunity//Press home an advantage//take occasion
Sunday-go-to-meeting
Adjust oneself//Fix up//smarten up one's appearance//
spruce oneself up//spruce up//tidy oneself
In a no-nonsense manner//In a proper fashion//In the proper way //With neatness

I understand English is not the national, first or spoken language in many Asian countries so it makes sense that people would make mistakes when writing or speaking. That doesn't confuse me.
Also, many countries in Asia including Japan are fascinated with North American and European cultures and obsessed with dressing, eating and looking like these English cultures. So much so that not only do they buy foreign brands like Nike, Levis, GAP and Armani but they create brands in their own country and name them as if they were English brands. As you can see from the pictures above, sometimes the message gets a little misconstrued. Once again this doesn't confuse me. 
What really confuses me is that these companies that want to call their products English names or want to have English written on their products don't bother to get a fluent speaker to spell check or edit the text. So what you get is mixed up, misspelled, incoherent, cut and paste type text that baffles and misinterprets the original message. 
Which makes it not only meaningless but funny as hell! I hope these companies never change their methods. 
Check out the video below to seem some of the weirdest shops and the crazy stuff they sell!
Only in Japan...

I got a Woody!!

I think my Woody is Unbalanced

Asia is the best place to get knock-offs for about every product ever created.  Want a SONY Television but can't afford it? Get a PONY. Need new sneakers? How about some HIKE sneakers? Just do it?
Everything from Luis Bitton (Louis Vuitton)  bags to Solex (Rolex) watches can be purchased at a fraction of the price of the original. The crazy thing is that these knock-offs aren't much lower in quality and sometimes last longer than the original more expensive counterparts.
So after playing the jumbo Jenga at the bar (mentioned in a post from earlier this month) I decided to go to a toy shop and get my own set!
Once their I was presented with two options. The original Jenga with the wood-colored blocks and famous logo or for half the price I could get the colorful wooden knock-off Woody Unbalance.
Save money, have pretty much the same game and have an added bonus of crazy Japanglish written on the blocks! From the picture above I am sure you can guess which one I decided to get!
What is the craziest knock-off you have seen?

Dirty Old Man: The Bar!

Happy Hour from 10am to 4am

It's Friday night. Work is done and you just want to lay back and relax with a nice cold beer with some friends. Of course it would be nice to have some pretty ladies to drink with to make the night more fun.
Well if that is your idea of a good time then this is not the place for you. The bar in this picture has a specific target market: Dirty Old Men! I like this sign for two reasons. One is obviously there is probably no other place in the world except Japan where this bar would exist and continue to exist.
Second, and most amazing is the directness of the message. This bar doesn't try to pretend it's something it's not. Everyone planning to come into this bar knows what to expect and what the clientele will be like.
Haven't you been walking through the clubbing district in your city and seen signs for bars like Fluid, Passion, Blue Twilight and Aphrodite and expected there to be groups of hot young girls intoxicated waiting to find a handsome man to take them home? Only to find that you get in there and there is two couples and groups of drunk, horny men hoping someone of the opposite persuasion will walk through the door.
Well at Dirty Old Man you will have zero expectations. In fact if there is a female in the joint it would almost be false advertising. And unlike other code words for bars made for dirty old men like The Firkin and the Owl or The Goose and the Ferret, this place gives people exactly what they asked for; a haven for old single men desperate for that scotch on the rocks and reason to exist.
Dirty Old Man is a revolution in the alcoholic establishment industry giving their target audience not only a chance to drink away their sorrows but to proudly be surrounded by similar like-minded individuals.
One day when I am a dirty old man, I hope I can find my Dirty Old Man bar to serve me!
Only in Japan...

Human Vending Machines!!

Human tea leaves?

The world is in danger. We all know that everyone has to do their part in order to ensure the survival of the human race. Countries and companies are creating new and innovative ways to protect our environment and make business more Eco-friendly. That being said, Japan is no exception.  In fact, Japan has now gone one step above everyone else in terms of recycling. Japan has become the first place to recycle humans to create vending machines.
Just kidding...or am I?
The picture above is from a vending machine in Japan that claims "they utilized recycled tea leaves which are human and environmentally friendly".  I am a bit confused. So is this machine made from human remains or is it made from tea leaves that were consumed my humans who are now deceased and being used to build these machines? Either way it is a scary thought.
Of course this is probably just another Japanglish error where someone in the advertising department was too lazy to translate some text and used an online translator instead. But I'd like to think the former because that would be awesome.
Only in Japan...

Would you buy anything SWEATY?

How about sweaty socks?

What really attracts you to a shop? Is it the brand name? The merchandise display? Location? Well what this store was hoping for is people who love sweat! One thing to note is that this is not a sports shop. If it sold Nike or Adidas sports wear maybe Sweat would be a catchy way to get people to shop here. But this shop sells home goods, accessories and other interior decorations and clothes.  Want a salad bowl from Sweat? How about a Sweat basket? No, maybe a personalized Sweat Underwear set? Sweat is all over it! They have everything you'd need. If you are ever in Aeon Jusco Mall in Japan, be sure to check them out. But don't run, you might break a sweat.
Only in Japan...

They Literally want you to get out of the "rat" race

They made Mice of Men

The picture above is a portion of a business card. It was given to me by a travel agent who apparently works for the Japan Mice Travel Agency.  

I am not sure if they meant it to say Japan Nice or maybe they cater to vermin too? I stopped for a second to think who would call their travel company Japan Mice. But then I stopped because I realized it's Japan. They can call it whatever they want because most Japanese people won't know or care.

Only in Japan...

Little Pricks! Want one?

Two pricks for the price of one!

Yes, the package is grammatically incorrect. It should be Little Pricks not Little Prick since there are two. But that is the least of their concern.

This is the line of small fluffy toys that are being sold across Japan in a craft shop. Mothers buy these little pricks for their kids. Then the kids take these little pricks to school to show off. The kid with the most little pricks in the class is then named Biggest Little Prick.

Only in Japan...

Poon's R' Us!

Must be this tall to ride!

Another example of bad English. However, this time it was grammatically correct (in texting slang) but maybe not quite appropriate.  So when you see this slightly racist statue of a little kid with an Afro (avec pick) in his hair wearing a t-shirt admitting his love for female genitalia you wonder what's beyond. 

Is it a strip club? Nope.  Is it an adult video store? Nope. Is it a sex shop with paddles, whips, dildo's and other paraphernalia? Wrong, wrong, wrong.  This statue is in Osu, a shopping arcade in Nagoya, and sits at the bottom of the steps to a store that sells...wait for it....children's toys. 

Stuffed animals, Lego, dolls, Naruto, Dragonballz, Hello Kitty all reside in this toy store along with a cute welcome figure of a boy on the search for some fem-crotch.  When there is a line, somehow Japan seems to not only cross, but leap over it. 

Only in Japan...

Inappropriate Japanglish...

Everyone knows about all the bad English that is found in Asia.  Whether it is on t-shirts, signs, billboards, brochures, menus or magazine, Japan is filled with bad grammar.  It is also very interesting to see how popular phrases that would sound fine in Japanese when translated comes out strange and sometimes profound. 

I took this picture above in Nagoya in the city centre (Sakae).  A nice young couple walking along the shopping district with their little daughter. A perfect Sunday in Japan. Except for the T-shirt that asks in big red letters to "Touch Me Now".  I have seen worse but I didn't have my camera.  At first it was shocking. Now its just funny.  In fact, I try to find the weirdest ones I can find and send them back to my friends back home.

Only in Japan...