More crazy English!





Wanna Latin mate?

Do you need to relieve it?

Once again on my travels across Japan I came across interesting products. The first is tea. I tried it and it tastes like any other tea found in Japan. But this one claims that it has Latin Biorhythm...whatever that means. It says "PLAY! EAT! DRINK!" How do you eat tea? Anyway, I thought maybe it contains guarana (sp?) the Brazilian drink known for high-energy boosts but it does not. So what does a tea brewed in Japan using Japanese ingredients have to do with being Latin? I guess the bright colors of the bottle! It's like Carnival in your mouth...without the STDs.

Speaking of STDs, the second product is a box of condoms. I found these babies at a 7-11 in Tokyo and the polka dots caught my attention. I thought it was a box of candy until I read the title. These condoms say "For sex, to which it can relieve it." I get the for sex part. You use them for sex. But what about the relieve part? What are these condoms relieving? Relieving the couple because they are protected from babies and disease? Not sure. Let me know if you have any idea.

If any of these companies someday do decide to use an actual English speaking human to help them translate into English, please contact me. I come cheap!

Only in Japan...

Japanglish: Words Happiness Meaning Let's Sunshine!

bitch!
A handbag made for women!

Text: If all Politician rode motorcycles Then road wouldn't have potholes
For every keen motorcyvlist at last truty custom tailored bike header

Stand a chance Knock on doors
Decorious Speech and Appearance characterize true gentlemen
Neat and Tidy wear a respectable suit of clothes
I'm sure another opportunity will come.
Embrace an opportunity//Exploit an opportunity//Use an opportunity
Make use of the opportunity//Press home an advantage//take occasion
Sunday-go-to-meeting
Adjust oneself//Fix up//smarten up one's appearance//
spruce oneself up//spruce up//tidy oneself
In a no-nonsense manner//In a proper fashion//In the proper way //With neatness

I understand English is not the national, first or spoken language in many Asian countries so it makes sense that people would make mistakes when writing or speaking. That doesn't confuse me.
Also, many countries in Asia including Japan are fascinated with North American and European cultures and obsessed with dressing, eating and looking like these English cultures. So much so that not only do they buy foreign brands like Nike, Levis, GAP and Armani but they create brands in their own country and name them as if they were English brands. As you can see from the pictures above, sometimes the message gets a little misconstrued. Once again this doesn't confuse me. 
What really confuses me is that these companies that want to call their products English names or want to have English written on their products don't bother to get a fluent speaker to spell check or edit the text. So what you get is mixed up, misspelled, incoherent, cut and paste type text that baffles and misinterprets the original message. 
Which makes it not only meaningless but funny as hell! I hope these companies never change their methods. 
Check out the video below to seem some of the weirdest shops and the crazy stuff they sell!
Only in Japan...

I got a Woody!!

I think my Woody is Unbalanced

Asia is the best place to get knock-offs for about every product ever created.  Want a SONY Television but can't afford it? Get a PONY. Need new sneakers? How about some HIKE sneakers? Just do it?
Everything from Luis Bitton (Louis Vuitton)  bags to Solex (Rolex) watches can be purchased at a fraction of the price of the original. The crazy thing is that these knock-offs aren't much lower in quality and sometimes last longer than the original more expensive counterparts.
So after playing the jumbo Jenga at the bar (mentioned in a post from earlier this month) I decided to go to a toy shop and get my own set!
Once their I was presented with two options. The original Jenga with the wood-colored blocks and famous logo or for half the price I could get the colorful wooden knock-off Woody Unbalance.
Save money, have pretty much the same game and have an added bonus of crazy Japanglish written on the blocks! From the picture above I am sure you can guess which one I decided to get!
What is the craziest knock-off you have seen?

The NEW OZZY Theme!!

Most of you who read my blog also watch my YouTube Channel. I have been making videos now for about two years and I have never missed a week. Now that is dedication!
Along the way I have met many really cool You Tubers, done collaboration videos with some of them, been part of community videos, made video responses, left comments and interacted with the greatest community on the planet.
Now thanks to my friend Jericho(who also has a blog and you should read it) made a theme song for my channel! Not only is it catchy but it captures my channel perfectly. I will be using this theme for my upcoming vlogs but to be one of the first people to watch it here it is!

Human Vending Machines!!

Human tea leaves?

The world is in danger. We all know that everyone has to do their part in order to ensure the survival of the human race. Countries and companies are creating new and innovative ways to protect our environment and make business more Eco-friendly. That being said, Japan is no exception.  In fact, Japan has now gone one step above everyone else in terms of recycling. Japan has become the first place to recycle humans to create vending machines.
Just kidding...or am I?
The picture above is from a vending machine in Japan that claims "they utilized recycled tea leaves which are human and environmentally friendly".  I am a bit confused. So is this machine made from human remains or is it made from tea leaves that were consumed my humans who are now deceased and being used to build these machines? Either way it is a scary thought.
Of course this is probably just another Japanglish error where someone in the advertising department was too lazy to translate some text and used an online translator instead. But I'd like to think the former because that would be awesome.
Only in Japan...

A Head of the competition

Everyone knows that billboards work. They might be big, annoying and detract from the cityscape but no matter what is being sold you can't help but stare. Especially in Asia where neon lights and flashing beams threaten to give seizures the flashier the better. But this restaurant （i hope thats what is being advertised）is way ahead in shock value. As you can see in this normal street in Tokyo away from all the major populated intersections lies this giant head of a chef. Doesn't it just make you hungry? It could be worse I  guess. Maybe not.
Only in Japan ...

My new video idea...

I usually upload funny pictures on this blog and make fun of whacky things in Japan. And I also have a YouTube channel that does the same. You have probably already seen it but if not here is the link to my channel:
http://www.youtube.com/ozzy78


Well, of course I have many ideas in my head of what I want to talk about or show you the audience. But there are tons of other people around me who are not getting the attention they deserve. Honestly,  I think I am not getting the attention I deserve either but that's a whole other story.

So I created a new video called Head to Head. I take 3 videos from different users who all have less than 1000 views on their video. Then I ask the viewers to vote for the best. The winner then moves on to the next video to face 2 new challengers.

I think its a really good way for many people to see videos they might not usually see. And it gives exposure to all 3 video makers and myself.

Will it be successful? I don't know. Should I give up? I have given myself a test for about 3 or 4 episodes before I decide to scrap the idea.
Take a look and let me know if you have any suggestions.

Would you buy anything SWEATY?

How about sweaty socks?

What really attracts you to a shop? Is it the brand name? The merchandise display? Location? Well what this store was hoping for is people who love sweat! One thing to note is that this is not a sports shop. If it sold Nike or Adidas sports wear maybe Sweat would be a catchy way to get people to shop here. But this shop sells home goods, accessories and other interior decorations and clothes.  Want a salad bowl from Sweat? How about a Sweat basket? No, maybe a personalized Sweat Underwear set? Sweat is all over it! They have everything you'd need. If you are ever in Aeon Jusco Mall in Japan, be sure to check them out. But don't run, you might break a sweat.
Only in Japan...

They Literally want you to get out of the "rat" race

They made Mice of Men

The picture above is a portion of a business card. It was given to me by a travel agent who apparently works for the Japan Mice Travel Agency.  

I am not sure if they meant it to say Japan Nice or maybe they cater to vermin too? I stopped for a second to think who would call their travel company Japan Mice. But then I stopped because I realized it's Japan. They can call it whatever they want because most Japanese people won't know or care.

Only in Japan...

Little Pricks! Want one?

Two pricks for the price of one!

Yes, the package is grammatically incorrect. It should be Little Pricks not Little Prick since there are two. But that is the least of their concern.

This is the line of small fluffy toys that are being sold across Japan in a craft shop. Mothers buy these little pricks for their kids. Then the kids take these little pricks to school to show off. The kid with the most little pricks in the class is then named Biggest Little Prick.

Only in Japan...

I kept this seat warm for you!

I rule my kingdom from this throne

So you have heard everyone talk about the amazing technology Japan has to offer. Probably about robots, sliding doors, vending machines and talking elevators. Well,  I am here to tell you about my favorite Japanese technological advancement: The Toilet.  I used to be one of those people that would never use a public toilet for number two. But now, feeling that movement in my bowels brings excitement knowing I will be using one of these amazing toilets.  Here are just a few of the amazing features:

• the seat is pre-warmed for you (by an internal heater not by someone else's butt)
• there is a bidet attached to help you get that fresh feeling
• after wetting your bottom, there is a drier to ensure your fanny gets...fanned
• bidet is available in boy and girl zone. I hope I don't need to explain that
• for shy people, there is a button attached that has either a flushing sound or music while you go so no one can hear you do your business

If these reasons didn't convince you than maybe the fact that the toilet seat rises and falls automatically using a sensor should convince you that this is one of the greatest inventions for humanity and harmony.