More crazy English!





Wanna Latin mate?

Do you need to relieve it?

Once again on my travels across Japan I came across interesting products. The first is tea. I tried it and it tastes like any other tea found in Japan. But this one claims that it has Latin Biorhythm...whatever that means. It says "PLAY! EAT! DRINK!" How do you eat tea? Anyway, I thought maybe it contains guarana (sp?) the Brazilian drink known for high-energy boosts but it does not. So what does a tea brewed in Japan using Japanese ingredients have to do with being Latin? I guess the bright colors of the bottle! It's like Carnival in your mouth...without the STDs.

Speaking of STDs, the second product is a box of condoms. I found these babies at a 7-11 in Tokyo and the polka dots caught my attention. I thought it was a box of candy until I read the title. These condoms say "For sex, to which it can relieve it." I get the for sex part. You use them for sex. But what about the relieve part? What are these condoms relieving? Relieving the couple because they are protected from babies and disease? Not sure. Let me know if you have any idea.

If any of these companies someday do decide to use an actual English speaking human to help them translate into English, please contact me. I come cheap!

Only in Japan...

How to be a JET Teacher

How to be a JET Teacher

1. Get a degree in anything. Whether it be in English Literature, Philosophy, Biochemical Engineering or Fine Arts; for legal and visa purposes a degree is needed to become a JET participant.

2. Speak English. Another must for visa purposes is that you must be a native English speaker from a country which has English as their first language. However, I met a lot of JETs who were from non-English speaking countries but came to North America when they were in their teenage years and they were considered native because they had citizenship.

3. Write English. I am not a good writer and all through University I got by on the fact that I was more creative in thought then mechanical in writing. But the essay portion of the application has the highest bearing on whether you get an interview. I wrote an essay that I liked and showed it to my friend who is better at the grammatical details. Using my ideas and his proficency in the editing we came up with a pretty impressive piece of writing.

4. Dress formal. I noticed that JET is really more about the image than about the teaching. Not to make it sound like a popularity contest but JET really focuses on the visual as that is what Japanese students and teachers will judge you on since they don’t know you on a personal level. You shouldn’t change your identity completely but I would think of it as wearing a costume and props for a play you will be performing. Play the part of the bright, outgoing, professional foreigner and you will be fine.

5. Be charming. At the interview all they really want to know is that you can handle the pressure of being in a room where some people understand you, some people don’t but everyone likes you. If you can act calm, professional, curteous and still let a little of your personality show then you will have a good interview. They want you to think on your feet by giving you interesting questions, making you do a demo lesson or have you introduce yourself. Sometimes you even get interviewers who purposely rub you the wrong way to see how you will react. As long as you don’t go in there and tell them you want to go to Japan to pick up highschool girls and get the latest issue of Hentai manga, you should be ok.

And that is about it. I thought teaching experience, previous experiences in Japan and other connections to Japan might have some weight. But after seeing the people that were hired along with me, most of them were either unfamiliar with any Japanese language and culture or were fresh out of University.

Japanglish: Words Happiness Meaning Let's Sunshine!

bitch!
A handbag made for women!

Text: If all Politician rode motorcycles Then road wouldn't have potholes
For every keen motorcyvlist at last truty custom tailored bike header

Stand a chance Knock on doors
Decorious Speech and Appearance characterize true gentlemen
Neat and Tidy wear a respectable suit of clothes
I'm sure another opportunity will come.
Embrace an opportunity//Exploit an opportunity//Use an opportunity
Make use of the opportunity//Press home an advantage//take occasion
Sunday-go-to-meeting
Adjust oneself//Fix up//smarten up one's appearance//
spruce oneself up//spruce up//tidy oneself
In a no-nonsense manner//In a proper fashion//In the proper way //With neatness

I understand English is not the national, first or spoken language in many Asian countries so it makes sense that people would make mistakes when writing or speaking. That doesn't confuse me.
Also, many countries in Asia including Japan are fascinated with North American and European cultures and obsessed with dressing, eating and looking like these English cultures. So much so that not only do they buy foreign brands like Nike, Levis, GAP and Armani but they create brands in their own country and name them as if they were English brands. As you can see from the pictures above, sometimes the message gets a little misconstrued. Once again this doesn't confuse me. 
What really confuses me is that these companies that want to call their products English names or want to have English written on their products don't bother to get a fluent speaker to spell check or edit the text. So what you get is mixed up, misspelled, incoherent, cut and paste type text that baffles and misinterprets the original message. 
Which makes it not only meaningless but funny as hell! I hope these companies never change their methods. 
Check out the video below to seem some of the weirdest shops and the crazy stuff they sell!
Only in Japan...